Cold as a Growlithe
by unseenant
Summary: " I want you to feel what he felt, His last experiences will be your experiences" When a teenage boy ends up as a stray growlithe he must stop taking life for granted and learn to live as a pokemon. but with all his memories missing from both lives that may be harder than it seems. , T for laungege and pokemon dying please review follow fave
1. prologue

**A/N first public fanfic and first bit of writing in quite a while.**

**later chapters are longer I typed this up on my phone while on holiday.**

**1: prologue**

It is often that a person's environment defines a lot of their personality or so I read...somewhere I could well believe it at that point in my life. My environment was far too commutable and As such my personality had developed to those ends.

It was one of those cold; cold days in March, a day where the rain decides to fall not for a while but for eternity determined to drench anything not under substantial cover. To alleviate the downpour somewhat I had a large umbrella that sat idly on my shoulder as I walked.

It was while heading through the last few fields on my way home that I encountered something strange a solitary Growlithe lay in the path its coat soaked through, the water must have been taking its toll as it looked weak. As I moved around it I was surprised as it struggled after me, walking unsteadily under the burden of the torrents of rain.

I was used to being around Pokemon, my thoughts going to the Vulpix that was probably occupying my bed, a ball of maroon fur with two small ears and six tails. In contrast this Growlithe was a mess of dirty and sodden fur most of it a dark orange with tufts of white and black stripes on its back.

I carried on walking as the Growlithe struggled on it seemed to be trying to keep under the shadow of my umbrella, I turned around the canine just stared at me

"Stop following me"

I turned back and continued behind me came a series of yips and barks.

Shortly after I trudged through the door of my home after a short and uneventful conversation with my parents I arrived in my room. Vulpix who was as predicted lying on my bed poked its head up yawned then lay back down, I picked her up and sat her on my knees it's warm body radiating across the room. It lay happily as I scratched its head.

Later on as I had returned to my room after getting a drink the small fox-like Pokemon was stood staring out of my bedroom window, I playfully poked one of its tails that stood alert and it turned round with a look that screamed

"This is not play time" the expression shocked me and I joined it looking outside.

The storm has gotten much more intense and a pang of guilt ran through my mind although it wasn't obvious why (At the time). I lifted the little fox off the window sill and set her down on my bed and then climbed under the covers myself.

"Night" I muttered and Vulpix replied I slowly drifted off to sleep, with no idea what was just around the corner.


	2. Chapter 1 A bad day

**chapter 2: A bad day **

The world was black baring a single pin of light the colour indistinguishable and a sense of dread that sat like an instinct

" ugghh I feel so light, my limbs I can't move them "

" I want you to feel what he felt

His last experiences will be your experiences

You are not lost to us

But you are not safe either"

"..."

"now leave us there is much to do"

The single speck of light started to grow finally exploding out in shafts and beams. I tried to blink and realised my eyes had been closed. I looked around, the grass was tall enough to obscure my view only the blue of the sky provided a sense of a world outside.

My body felt unusually warm the sensation was however pleasant, it was an almost instinctual feeling kinda like stepping into a warm bath or enjoying a cold drink. Searching for a source simply led back to my core, to my surprise the heat was radiating from me.

Upon trying to stand i found my limbs where shorter and wouldn't move the way I wanted. Falling down again I caught sight of two orange furred legs sprawled out in front of me .

"What the hell!" I shouted looking at my paws , I tried again this time closing my eyes focusing on the feel of my new body it felt strange, a tail and ears on top of my head four legs digitigrade paws. I tried once more this time I managed staggering slightly

"..."

"ok right paw then left"

I tried walking it took 3 steps to trip over my own paws keeling over onto my side

"This is hard" I muttered

I stood up again 5 steps, again 10 steps, once more I stood focusing in on my instincts, I just need to want to walk, I want to move forward. this time I managed get forward a considerable distance.

After about ten minutes I stopped. There's something out there my senses where telling me, I could hear rustling something huge was coming this way. The thing appeared in sight. A human

" hey over here" I yelled

" I am a human I need your help"

The human was male wearing cargo shorts and running trainers his hair a mess of dirty blond a bag hung around his waist, obviously a young trainer.

The trainer stopped at my shouts and turned to face something that sounded like gibberish. A small blue and black Pokemon trotted out from behind him standing upright it's face looked like a dog it's fur gave the appearance of a black mask, I believe it was a Riolu.

Every instinct in my body screamed danger.

What was I supposed to do I didn't even really know what kind of Pokemon I was. Well hear goes nothing, lowering my front I leapt forward throwing myself at the Riolu, it seemed to hesitate for a second before disappearing, in a blink it was in-front of me

"Danm it"

There was a flash of light then searing pain

"argh that hurts" I yelped

My reflexes allowed me to land on my feet but struggled to stay up as pain washed over my body. The Riolu had barley touched me, Gritting my teeth I tried to stay balance.

Riolu raised its paw a ball of energy forming on its palm

" this is gonna sting" I muttered through gritted teeth

Riolu thrust forward the energy leaving his

Paw at terrifying speed striking me, the next moment I was on my side sliding along the ground. Paralysed by pain I watched the trainer and his blue Pokemon walked off.

I blacked out soon after.


	3. Chapter 2 enter Max

**A/N**

**please review and fave. it would be greatly apreciated ^^**

**chapter 3**

This darkness had become all too familiar, veins of orange light jumped off of a small crackling flame.

"Look inside yourself you know how to use this just remember" the voice emanated from the flame resonating through the darkness.

"Hey, HEY, can you hear me?"

I opened my eyes my vision was filled with a big orange and white face

"Hey are you ok?"

I blinked the face was still there, trying to move I found my wounds still hurt...a lot.

I growled trying to pick myself up

"...just stay still I will be back" the Pokémon turned and ran off

I remained still focusing in on the sources of my pain, it didn't seem like anything was broken however there were definitely some bad bruises, and something else had happened the source of my heat was clearer more focused. I could feel it rising and falling with each breath.

I need to remember, what I remember. I remember being human I remember my name, everything else was fragmented memories of a human and a Pokémon.

The other Pokémon that I could now identify as a growlithe returned, He gently placed a small plus fruit down in front of me. I gave it a look of disagreement what was this tiny fruit supposed to do.

"It's an Oran berry eat it, it will help" my new mouth not being equipped with the teeth to chew a small fruit I swallowed it whole,

Moments later the pain from my wounds began to subside and my body filled with energy.

I attempted to stand up again still a little unsteady on my new found paws.

"Any better?" The other Pokémon asked he seemed to be happy though he was neither smiling nor speaking in altered tone; it seemed my sense of smell was the source of the feeling.

"Erm yes" I said

"You seem to be a little unsteady?" The growlithe asked

" I am fine" I started to walk off continuing in the direction I hoped I was going before being attacked before curiosity got the best of me and I turned back

"How come you can understand me?" I questioned

The other Pokémon gave me a strange look

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head?"

"Well now that you mentioned it" I muttered

"What if I told you I was a human?"

The growlithe looked at me for a moment then started howling with laughter, I turned to leave and started padding off.

"Wait ha ha w-wait, sorry" I turned round acknowledging his apology, for now.

"It's hard to believe you, you seem like a perfectly normal growlithe to me" so I am a growlithe I probably should have worked that out what with the fire and orange fur.

I turned again

"Wait ok I believe you"

The dog was really starting to get on my nerves

"Do you have a name?" he asked

"Wolfgang" I was waiting for the obvious why are you called that, or that's a strange name comment.

"Hah, wolfy I like It" again my sense of smell insisted he was happy "my names max it's nice to meet you"

Where did this pup think he could get off calling me by a nickname like that?

"So how did you end up like this?"


	4. Chapter 3 Home

**Paste seems to have caused This wall of text will be fixed shortly **

**as always** **review and fave ^^ ** **A/N these next few chapters probably will be more about the chacters little less main plot**

"So you can't remember anything ?"

"Not clearly no just my name and an insistence that I was human there are other images and names but they are all mixed up" max seemed to frown upon being told this

" and the first thing you came across here was a trainer and a riolu ?"

"Yup and I have no idea how to fight" I glanced at my injured side, the pain had continued to subside to the point where now it was a minor berries appeared to be a miracle pain killer.

"Don't worry riolu aura abilities hurt but the damage is mostly superficial"

"Aura ?" I asked

" it's kind of his and lucario's thing I don't really understand it" max did the quadruped equivalent of a shrug

By this time the sun was drifting lazily lower it had filled the sky with an orange that sharply contrasted the the deadly purple of a group of storm clouds in the distance.

"I'm guessing you don't have anywhere to stay, do you want to stay with me ?" Max asked his eyes seemed glow with the thought of company

"erm yes if you don' mind" I responded.

I Hadn't thought about where I could sleep till it was brought up,with all that had happened it wasn't surprising.

"OK lets go" the Growlithe started moving of, I followed him out of the clearing. The grass outside was unnaturally long, I doubted max even knew where he was going until half an hour later we came to the edge of town.

the small rural town seemed familiar, nestled in a winding river valley. the buildings where a mix of early terraces and modern glass structures all leading on an east to west path across the valley. Dropped in the middle of the town an ancient bridge crossed a lazy flowing river. The surrounding fields where wild massive amounts of grass and trees leading to a massive population of grass type Pokemon.

Arriving at the edge of town Max showed me to a structure that had seemingly abandoned mid construction. The structure was a simple two stories the first was completely walled by concrete the second only had its structural pillars present ending in rusted steel.

"sorry its not much" Max sighed as we walked inside, not much was an understatement the structure was bare barring an old worn red blanket.

"its fine" at the moment I would take an open field to sleep on, Max lay down on the blanket and I followed him laying down on the edge I closed my eyes.

The wind was cold on my face, pulling at the fur along my body. Stood in front of me a Pidgey franticly flapped its wings a defence mechanism to stop predators. I stood my ground I could feel the heat inside me move with each fur on my body. I focused , I could move the source of the heat around.

I focused it too my throat inhaled then leapt forward .

Closing on the Pidgey I exhaled flames left my mouth scorching the bird Pokemon's feathers. It squawked and then dropped to the ground, I walked over to it and picked it up by the neck. I turned and the low sun was blinding as I tried to blink I realized that my eyes where closed.

I opened my eyes the sun was pushing in through the door of the room, I felt something soft under me. soft and warm. Standing up I then realized I had been lying on Max. my face grew warmer than it was already.

"huuuuh wha...morning" Max had woken up fairly startled. He looked around lazily then walked to the door

"come on lets go find some breakfast"

Outside the sky was clouded and the air held a charge that irritated my fur to no end, however Max didn't seem worried happily stalking through the grass

"hey over here " he whispered drawing into a bank of tall grass, on the other side a large Caterpie sat gnawing on a leaf.

"there is no way in hell I am eating that" I whispered

"it's either this or trash" Max retorted, he looked at me like a parent looks at a disobedient child.

"you know I think I will just go without" I wasn't very hungry all of a sudden.

Max glanced at me, preparing to pounce on the unwitting bug Pokemon.

"HELP!" a scream echoed across the fields.

Before I could even ready myself to move Max tore off.

when I eventually caught up, Max was standing in a combat pose facing into a large clearing. Inside a pair of Pokemon stood facing each other a blue and white ball and a green snake like Pokemon.

"get lost, leave me be" the blue Pokemon screeched her body marked with cuts and bruises, the other Pokemon later described to Snivy responded by throwing a blade like leaf.

Max who had up until this point been standing threw himself in front of the leaf, its edges burned up on contact with him.

"she said leave" the Growlithe asserted blasting fire in front of the Snivy.


	5. Chapter 4 Breakfast and more

**A/N sorry this update took so long my pc had a little accident so I have had to mitigate that university is coming up so I have had to work on that and on top of all of that I had nothing pre written for this chapter **

The Snivy flinched embers bouncing up from burning grass

"Damn it, time to cut my losses" the Pokemon rushed from the clearing. Max moved over to the Marill who had stood staring the entire time

"Hey do you need any berries or help ?" the Marill waited for a moment then spat bubbles at Max, spinning 90 degrees she made a dash for the river that was now in front of her.

Max weathered the blow. Bubbles bursting across his body as the Marill disappeared. Max limped over to where I was standing despite being obviously injured he seemed to be happy as he got closer I noticed the impact of the bubbles had left something that almost looked like small burns

"That looks like it hurts" I thought out loud he seemed to be wincing even standing still

"Yeah... good job it was just a young one. Follow me I am gonna show you something wolfy"

The Growlithe staggered out of the clearing as I followed sheepishly behind him, I wasn't sure where we were going but I suspected it wouldn't be very far with Max being in such a state. We walked for about ten minutes before arriving at a broken down tree, Max sniffed at the charred stump for a moment then grabbed an object with his mouth pulling it into the grass.

When I got a closer look I found the object was a cloth bag. Its contents included a large number of berries and a few bandages. Max pulled out an Oran berry and swallowed it, wincing slightly as he did.

"Why did you help that Marill back there?" I asked as Max eased up

"It's..." Max hung his head for a moment, "it was nothing" he pushed the bag back under the tree stump

"Come on we still need to find some food" the Growlithe now much steadier on his feet started walking, his direction seemed determined though I couldn't tell what was driving him. Soon the town came into view

"Come on" he shouted breaking into a run I tried following best I could without falling flat on my face this mostly involved landing on all fours every second step. Max bounded through backstreet's and I panted after him, this just came to remind me about how little I knew about this new body.

"Hey...can...we ...slow. Down" I panted up behind him, Max didn't answerer his attention drawn upward.

I glanced upwards just in time to dodge large red and white blob heading for me. I instinctively sniffed at the blob and realized the blob was raw meat. Glancing around I noticed Max had a similar piece unfortunately a pile of crates blocked any view of the source of the meat.

we returned to Max's den and he happily started ripping chunks out of the meat while I sat staring at it, conflicting instincts sat in my mind on one hand I was being told that the meat was fine to eat as is, the other was screaming don't eat it. I lay down a slight head ache getting the best of me slowly rolling the meat back and forth with my nose

"Hey, something up?" Max walked up behind me

"I can't eat this" I poked it with my paw

"I mean my instincts telling me that it is ok and not ok at the same time"

I heard Max sigh behind me "you...it smelt ok just eat it you will be fine"

As Max padded off I gulped and took a bite. It didn't really taste of anything but I couldn't chew it either as a Growlithe's teeth where only suited to tearing.

After finishing the meat with some difficulty and a slight bout of choking I took a look around to refresh my surroundings. The building was the same, the red blanket lay in the corner, Max was... I did a double take Max was not there. I waited a moment then took few steps towards the door, I spotted the Growlithe who was lying outside asleep, and as I got closer I noticed the fur on his face was matted almost as if he had been crying.

Images shot into my mind. A police officer, a Growlithe by his leg, a tragedy changed it all. The whole thing was punctuated by a massive head ache.

"I'm going for a walk" I muttered

**A/N as always favorite follow and review. there is nothing greater than having ones work validated **


	6. Chapter 5 an uncontrollable fire

**A/N this chapter took less time than I expected I like doing this in short incrments **

The sun sat just above the ridge of the valley, black clouds streaked with pink sat and watched as I padded thought the valley. My headache had subsided somewhat and for the first time I was alone with my senses, the environment teemed with stimuli I focused building a sensory picture of the world.

It was at this point that I noticed how intense my sense of smell was it struck into my consciousness almost as if I was hearing the smell, a sense of direction with echoes trailing off the main scent. I could consciously remember different scents they had feelings, emotions attached to them. There was one particular scent that hung in the air the stench of anger, of hate.

"Hey look if it isn't the pal of that mut that tried to roast me." A familiar voice barked out from behind me. Turning I found myself facing the Snivy from earlier burns still in place, behind him two giant purple balls, almost moon like in texture, each ball had a face and hovered in position the stench of noxious gasses hovered around them.

"Hey, erm don't make me burn you, I am not as kind as Max" I tried to muster up a threatening tone but it didn't seem to stick.

"Dont make me laugh you runt, I saw you fight that Riolu, Hey Weezy show this mutt what fire is all about"

"Right away." Both spheres responded in unison their voices coming together to produce a thick sludgy tone. I instinctively started backing away. Click . The sound of oxygen being torn from the air filled my ears flames leapt around me. I could feel the flames whipping at my body and yet it didn't burn. It felt strange almost good. My body heat was rising with the temperature around me and as the flames died down the heat did not.

I felt strong, the source of my heat, my core had grown massively and it was tearing at me trying to escape. My opponents seemed confused, scared even

"I did give you a chance" I snarled.

I took a moment then opened my mouth and exhaled. Flames roared from my mouth obscuring my vision and incinerating what was left of the foliage around me, screams of pain signaled that I had hit my target, the flames slowly subsided both Snivy and the Weezy had collapsed and I felt like I was about to follow. I felt cold and empty my vision dipping in and out of focus as I witnessed the devastation around me ground and trees had been destroyed alike left blackened and crisp by the blast of heat.

I widened my stance bracing as my body convulsed as a wave of cold swept through my fur

"I...I did it...I deafe..." my body collapsed. I couldn't move as if trapped under a sheet of ice slowly the world faded from view. I felt like this was the end.

The world was warm and pleasant as I drifted through the blackness I tried to move my paws but they seemed to be stuck tight on something.

"Is this heaven?" I spoke into the black almost expecting a response. I waited a few seconds then figured I was talking to myself

"Wake up" I felt something push me gently against the side. "Come on please wake up" the voice sounded almost desperate and almost slightly familiar. A second later my ribs burnt up with pain "aghhh that's a bruise!" I blinked. I was lying in Max's den wrapped tightly in the red blanket, something heavy that I assumed was Max due to the heat coming off it.

"That was quite the display, well if you didn't burn yourself out." A huge blue dog came into my view its thick purple mane seemed to move despite the lack of wind in the building

"You used something called flash fire, it is incredibly powerful but if you let your flame burn out of control like that it can kill you. And then you won't get back to being human will you ...wolfie ? " The pokemon leapt through the door barley fitting through

"Hey wait" I used all my strength to bolt for the door but a sudden rain storm had blocked my path.

"Huh, you're awake" I had obviously woken Max with the movement.

"Did you see that, that big blue dog " I pointed the my paw out the door "It was massive with a purple mane and huge antlers." Max looked sceptical

"You're describing a Suicune. I highly doubt you saw it" Max walked next to me.

"You where probably just hallucinating if you had been out there another half an hour you would have died. In fact I am surprised you are standing up" Despite his words he didn't look too concerned. he almost sounded cold.

" I left you an apple for when you wake up, the reason you fell unconscious was when you used flame thrower you burned up all your bodies energy reserves and fuel with it, get some food and you will be good to go" I looked over at the apple shaped bump under the blanket.

**A/N I really like the idea that fire types run on fuel kind of like a real fire and they can use their abilities in a sustainable manner or burn through their energy really quickly grammatically correct version up  
**


	7. Chapter 6 the ashes

**A/N for the A/N this was finished and uploaded at 5 in the morning I was practically comatose rember to follow and reveiw**

**A/N another chapter down and just in time for uni too updates after this may be slower than expected a fully grammatically checked version will be uploaded soon in the future **

During this time I had been left mostly alone this gave me plenty of time to learn more of my new body, learning to run on all fours without falling my face was easy enough when adrenalin wasn't streaming through my system.

As I recovered I started spending more time outside between rainstorms the sun sat heavily in the sky. Even the autumn sun seemed warm as I lay in the grass and yet there was something deep inside me that said it shouldn't and that I should be wrapped up and out of the cold.

I was spending a moment contemplating this instinctual clash as Max returned he looked a little less cold than usual, his expression had softened

"I have been meaning to speak to you, I wanted to wait till you got a bit better" the Growlithe lay down next to me his body language still seemed largely distant

"that Snivy...its probably dead" the words washed over me, I didn't care it was insignificant I had defended myself with the force necessary

"I saw what you did to the ground that was a lot of force you unleashed too much to simply scare him away or force him back " I got ready to defend my case Max's scent had changed growing more antagonistic as he spoke

"there was another Pokemon with him" I spat out maybe a little colder than I had meant it to be

"there was no other Pokemon there, all I could smell was burnt vegetation and an incinerated Snivy" he raised his voice to match my last statement

"there was god damn it" I was becoming annoyed "it was a pair of purple balls that spewed gas and fire"

"if they spewed gas I would have smelt it" both of our voices had reached a low growl " you know I accepted the story about you being human, I took you in,gave you food then you go and kill another Pokemon" I could already see where this was going when I picked my self up off the grass

"I was defending myself " I shouted

"no you where not when I hit that Snivy with embers that was defending myself, you annihilated more than an acre of grasslands to do it" he sighed "please leave I don't want to be around you"

`I felt anxious and panicked running as fast and as far as my paws would take me in the small amount of time before sunset. once again finding myself in the now burnt clearing. Any memories of the grass had long since blown away as ash or melted into the ground with the rain. I stood staring 4 charred paw prints had been engraved into the dirt.

In a state of almost disbelief I stepped into the paw prints I knew already matched my paws. Had I really done this the same Growlithe who had stood powerless in front of a Riolu. It was scary almost surreal, I trembled slightly at the memory the screams, the flames everywhere. Slowly I lay down by now the sky had turned dark and stars gleamed in full view away from the light pollution of the town.

They seemed to stare, glaring daggers at me. I felt like a failure and as I gazed back at them I wondered was I really human at some point or am I just a deluded little Growlithe that hit his head.

The world eventually fell away leaving me with the black of my eye lids as I drifted off to sleep.

My dreams where dissociative at best random images and sounds trawled through my mind as it wound down, yet some of them seemed to have great value one particularly. a small brown fox Pokemon looking up at me from what appeared to be a box of some sort. Its eyes shining in the sunlight. So many emotions attached itself to that image love, happiness, sorrow.


	8. Chapter 7 dreams and darkness

_the world was unnaturally bright sun gleaming off the snowy plains as I attempted to make an igloo. As I dug the overly soft snow came down on my head fluffy white dust covering me from head to toe._

_I pulled myself out of the wreckage and shivered as some of the powder fell on uncovered skin as I recovered something pricked up my hearing, I glanced around to find nothing in the winter scape but myself and the house, with a renewed sense of solitude I went back to the ruins of my igloo. _

"_hey wolfie" I looked over the pile of snow I was packing again I looked around the snow scape was barren although a tree had appeared that I swore was not in place before . I turned my head back and jumped as a body appeared in front of me. Its figure was nondescript though did not appear out of the ordinary, the voice on the other hand was neither nondescript nor ordinary it struck something deep within me yet I couldn't recognize it, innate and in no way recallable. _

_In the hands of the figure hung a box its appearance more detailed than the figure. Small holes where drilled in its lid with both hand holds folded inwards and through one peered a pair of big brown eyes. _

_In a moment I found myself opening the box looking down I found a small creature looking up at me. The creature had crimson fur with six amber tails it looked something like a small fox. _

"_we found this Vulpix sheltering in a wood store, I spoke to your parents and we would like you to look after her" the Vulpix watched me closely as the figure spoke its eyes locked to my movements. as I nodded in acceptance the Vulpix sneezed the cold air starting to take effect, in a swift motion I took my scarf and wrapped around the fox's small frame as I picked it up._

_Unsure at first it soon settled into my grasp apparently thankful for my provision of warmth. _

_Next thing I knew my perspective was being pulled away from that scene no matter how hard I tried I couldn't return I tried to scream but with no mouth it was impossible and soon a sensation of asphyxiation drew itself onto me. _

I awoke with a start my breathing quick and ragged intense memories of my life tearing round my head. I needed to get back to being human, I wanted to see my family, my Vulpix, my home.

The sun had barely risen as I padded across the charred ground aimlessly as sleep evaded me. my paws crunched on the burnt soil the feeling seemed familiar as it crumbled and compressed under them but as hard as I tried to remember it the sensation remained distant. And yet things seemed so familiar, if I was delusional would I have these feelings and these dreams I couldn't even know if my identity was my own

" you seem lost..." a familiar voice echoed across the plains as the huge form of Sucine bust from the twilight, I nodded any idea of speech had been driven away by this massive creatures aura " then I pose you the question: why are you lost ?"

"Max threw me out" I said in a meek voice

" do you understand why he threw you out" the dog asked its tone blunted by curiosity

"he thinks I killed a Snivy"

"you did, but that is not why he threw you out, he threw you out for showing no remorse for your actions" I stared at the huge creature I didn't feel any remorse, not at the time and certainly not now "that Pokemon had memories hopes an identity even if some of that was negative, there will be a point where understanding what that means will decide whether you succeed or fail " the last few words drifted into the ether as Sucine vanished, I wasn't sure what role that Pokemon played in my current situation but it was obviously something close to the heart of the matter.

The sun rose slowly as I lay in the charred field pondering anew my current situation, the area was quiet few Pokemon passed through the area any more as the odder of torched grass still lingering in the air and the areas desolate appearance brought on thoughts of an apocalypse of sorts.

My thoughts drifted too and from Sucines speech the idea about memories and experiences the first time I had felt the slightest bit of remorse for incinerating Snivy . I had taken its identity from it by force, even if I had not done so on purpose I was responsible. My emotions fell from a somber cliff face I had killed something, something that had thoughts, dreams, memories. In essence I had removed the same thing I had been searching for.

Sometime later I found a pool, a small puddle of still water that had formed from recent rain fall, a face glared at me from out of the pool, a canine face framed with white fur, a face that was dotted with patterns of brown fur , a face that was both familiar yet I had never seen it before. brown eyes gazed from deep within orange fur, they seemed heavy as if bearing judgement on the individual they where looking at. They seemed sad, tired, broken even.

The shadow of a second face appeared, its shape that of a Snivi's the image was indistinct and the face entirely lacked features, its shape being the only identifying thing about it, behind it I could see the storm clouds rolling in overhead.

"I'm sorry" I whispered watching the image disappear under a torrent of rain. The water didn't burn as I expected but it wasn't comfortable I could feel my body heat being sapped away drop by drop. And here in this burned and broken clearing of mine I could find no cover to hide from the water that fell from the heavens.

**A/N well this is finally done luckily university has not been uber rushed. between the dream sequence and the dark subject matter this chapter is a sort of experiment, so I will be looking to the reviews for feedback **

**this chapter was really hard to write and required more than a momentary return to my old haunts in philosophy as dealing with the value of memory and life from a secular pov is kind of hard. **


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